Oh Hadley

As we all know, Hadley has quite a sense of humor, and often, when Alice is surprised by it, she will exclaim with mock affront and obvious delight, “Oh, Hadley!” Hadley clearly enjoys this reaction throughout the conversation with her friend. Alice appreciates her, and is involved in her story in a way that makes it easy for Hadley to open up and demonstrate her intelligence, humor, depth and grace. Whether she is sharing a funny experience or simply recounting a history, Hadley is the kind of person that invites a response.

In the next tape Hadley and Alice talk about the time period when Bumby was born and she and Ernest got ready to return to France. Hadley tells Alice that Bumby was born within two hours after going to the hospital and Hadley felt like “the perfect mother in doing it so fast.” Hadley was in love with her remarkable, “well rounded child”. When Ernest came back from his trip, he brought Hadley modern literature to read in the hospital, which her doctor did not approve of. He advised her she “ought to be reading Good Housekeeping instead.” Ernest Also brought the doctor chocolate peppermints, to keep in his good graces. Hadley enjoys remembering when they took the trip by boat back to France with their new baby. Everyone had to see the “sleeping beauty” in their cabin, she says.

When they talk about their return to Paris, Alice asks, “Did you flirt?” “What a question!” Hadley answers, truly surprised. “I was far from chic – “ Hadley says at first and then decides to answer the question with her usual humor, “We were just an awfully nice family,” meaning that chic wasn’t something she grew up learning how to do.

In the next tape, Alice asks about the winter of 1923, when Hadley and Ernest were in Cortina, Italy. Alice mentions that she has written a letter to a friend to try to get in touch with Renatta Borgotti, the talented and beautiful pianist that Hadley spent quite a lot of time with during that visit. Hadley remembers that they had long discussions about music, babies and lesbianism. Hadley confides to Alice that she said to her friend, “Renatta, you don’t know what you’re missing – believe me, you don’t know what you’re missing!” Hadley laughs at this memory. She adds that Regina was interested in Ernest “in spite of his unfortunate sex.”

Hadley admired Renatta’s Italian passion for music. To make an impression, Hadley played a piano piece for her as carefully as she could. When she was finished, Renatta said, “To me, it was just as though you presented me with a bowl of cornflakes!” Hadley is still amused by that comment, almost fifty years later. Alice mentions again that she is trying to get in touch with Renatta. Hadley says, “I’d like to be remembered to her –“ Then she asks if Alice is writing the letter to “get some sort of dope on me?” Alice laughs, yes, she tells Hadley, she is in fact trying to get the “dope on you”

Alice has been working on the timeline from all of her notes. As she asks questions she says with satisfaction “I am looking at my incredible chronology.” She asks about September of 1922, when Hadley and Ernest had a fight about him leaving for Turkey. Hadley said it was an awful fight and that she was afraid that Ernest would never speak to her again. “Here I lived up in this sordid little quarter, of which I was very fond,” but she did not want to be alone in Paris. Alice asked what Hadley did by herself during that time Ernest was away. “I would drop in on Sylvia and she was very nice but – very nice – but I just didn’t have any faith in her giving a damn about me.” Hadley looks back at that incident with regret and thinks she should have been able to bear it. Alice counters with her characteristic empathy. Hadley remembers that Ernest brought back wonderful gifts, including a necklace that she still has – a gorgeous yellow amber necklace with black beads.

Alice asks about Ernest’s moods and Hadley says, “He felt deeply sorry for himself at times or else he would be on top of the wave and absolutely roistering – wonderful joyousness.” Alice asks if the differences in their personalities caused conflict as Hadley always seems to see the best in people and seems incapable of scorn. “I did try to change some of his great animosities . . . . unsuccessfully” Hadley says. She said that Ernest could be cruel to others and “I didn’t like it because so much of it was unfair.” And she adds later, “and yet some of his kindnesses were out of this world.”

Alice asks about the chronology again and tries to work out how long they spent with Pauline in southern France during their last summer together, in 1926. From what Alice has deduced, it could not have been that long. “It seemed awfully long.” Hadley answers. Alice wonders if Pauline and Ernest would have eventually broken up if they had not married. “Well they were very much in love. There is nothing nicer than that.” Hadley says, clearly wistful. “I certainly felt alternate relief and rage.” says Hadley, but “I’m glad in the result of it – Pauly Mowrer.”

Alice says, “For a long period I think your relationship with him was a strengthening one for you but then I think it had reached a point where it would have been destructive to you.”

“I don’t think you ever said a truer word.” Says Hadley.

“I think it was absolutely glorious what it did for you and it was just the right length of time. Any longer would have destroyed you and destroyed the relationship.” Says Alice.

“Becasue we remained very fond of each other” after everything was over says Hadley.

“You were the one that he really loved.” Says Alice

“To an embarrassing degree” Hadley says, people point out the evidence of this love in A Moveable Feast. She seems baffled. “But why? How could he do that after all the things he did to me?” Hadley asks.

Oh Hadley I think with real tenderness as the tape plays out.